Baroda-ly speaking

With completely innocent and reader-friendly intentions, I had planned on calling this post “Broadly speaking” because you will find many of my prejudices/biases/opinions/brilliant observations about some recent experiences listed here. However, when I realised that some of those oh-so-ignorant meanderers who chance across my super-awesome blog might make a connection with a certain English fast bowler who was clobbered by a certain batsman from Punjab (when he could bat, field and be seen without a beer belly), I decided to ditch the idea and be my usual punny self.

So, dear reader, please do not read any further if:

a) You belong to Gujarat.

b) You are one of Narendra Modi’s cronies.

c) You are one those prudish folks with upturned noses, who look down upon opinionated folks.

d) You have no appreciation for brilliant writing. (Ha, still reading eh?)

Ok then, it’s been over 2 months in this strange land called ‘Gujarat’. It’s a land of anachronisms – a land of strange paradoxes. On one hand, you see expressways drastically shrinking the distances between places, and factories mushrooming overnight. (That’s when you say, “Wow, the development in this state is fantastic,” and rattle of growth rates and comparative charts and statistics, if you are from that much maligned breed of capitalists MBAs/MBA students.)

On the other hand, you see farmlands being acquired for building factories, with no sustainable income sources for farmers and companies making a beeline to set up shop in Gujarat, to take advantage of the cheap labour and government freebies. (That’s when you lean back on your recliner, take a swig of imported malt whiskey, run a hand through your lush hair slicked with gel, adjust your Aviator glasses, adjust the temperature of the AC and say, “Sheesh, what exploitation! Stop destroying our planet! Down with capitalism! Long live imperialism.” Then, you fish out your latest Blackberry, and with your nicely manicured finger, dial the number of your press contact, giving him/her the details of your next protest march/candle-lit vigil/rath yatra to mobilise support (and funds!) against all this.)

Anyway, I digress from the main point here. So yes, Gujarat is a land of diversity and the average newcomer is likely to be lost or even bewildered for the first few weeks. Hence, a brief guide is being published here to help such newbies. (I thought “Gujarat for dummies” was too lame a title, and moreover even dummies don’t like to admit that they are what they are.)

1) Do not offer a Gujarati any medicines for cold/cough, by way of misplaced concern. When you think they are sneezing, they might simply be talking of arriving soon. (Aaoon Chhoon = Atchoo!)

2) Gujaratis seem to be fond of painting, especially spray painting. In fact, many of them practise this fine art all day long. The Gujarati technique of spray painting involves chewing a mix of different shades and colours, till it attains consistency, and then using the ‘point-and-shoot’ interface. You may stop to admire this artwork on walls and even on road surfaces. If lucky, you might even catch a master artist at work. However, do not touch the paintings for it may spoil them.

3) I’m not quite sure of this one, but it seems that this state lacks some of the basic camaraderie that we experience in the North. For example, there is no back-thumping, effusive greeting with references being made to your (female side of the) family among friends. So much so, no expletives are exchanged among friends to express warmth. Weird! (This trend completely negates Sumit’s law of friendship: The strength of a friendship bond between two persons is directly proportional to the frequency and intensity of the swear words used, per unit conversation.)

4) Non-vegetarians, please bring along a basket of eggs and an incubator to hatch them in. This state is extremely unfriendly to all of you. Apparently, Gujarat is supposed to have the highest number of vegetarians in India. Bah!! (Ahmedabad’s claim to fame: The first city to have an all-veg Pizza Hut in India. POOH!!)

5) Either the people, or the cops in this state are extremely lazy. Reportedly, the crime rate in Gujarat is the lowest in India. For the record, Gujarat is a dry state but I have seen people carrying liquor bottles being waved through a police check post at 5 am. (Don’t ask me what I was doing at that unearthly hour!)

6) The capital of Gujarat is Gandhinagar. Officially, yes. Unofficially, Ahmedabad is THE capital for all practical and business purposes. Gandhinagar is green and clean, and has wide roads. But, for buying books, watching a movie, hanging out, visiting a market, Ahmedabad is the best place.

7) All men are ‘bhai’ and all women are ‘ben’. (‘Ben’ is pronounced as ‘bane’. For example, Shantaben would be pronounced as ‘Shantabane’. I wonder, why ‘bane’? ) Please do not be astonished by names like ‘Rameshbhai Bhailalbhai Parmar’ or ‘Nathiben Nathabhai Raval’. (These are actual examples, not concocted ones.)

8) Prof. Kakani, who teaches Finance (and the art of walking around like an undead zombie without bumping into things/people) was right about the Gujju bhais. Apparently, 35% of our stock market wealth in India is owned by Gujjus. (Theory: Khakra sharpens the brain and stimulates neurons. Note to self: Buy 1 kg of khakra tomorrow.)

I guess all those pointers should get you started. The rest, you will either figure out or will be spoonfed to you through this blog. So, don’t worry. There is no Dantesque inscription at the Gates of Gujarat: “Abandon hope all ye who enter here”. (That inscription has been copyrighted by my employers, for use on their gates.)

Eat. Pray. Love. But most of all, P.R.A.Y. (No reference to any individual with a similar sounding name)

P.S. No references to Baroda, you say. Well, only because no other puns with city names struck me.

P.P.S. I did warn you to stop reading. If after reading, you dislike my views, your problem. HMPH!!

How to Train Your Dragon

For the uninitiated, this is not an actual manual on training dragons. (Yes, I have considerable experience in the training industry, but well, I’ve never offered training in handling mythical creatures so far. Such programs are best left to Mr. Hagrid, Mr. Dumbledore, and co.)

Ok, let’s get on with thoughts about the movie - ‘How to Train your Dragon’

There’s this total loser chap, who manages to mess up everything, and craves for the adulation of his peers and his father. No one trusts him with anything, but he is determined to make it big. And make it big he does! Much to the admiration of his peers, his father, and oh the girl he has a crush on.

Sounds familiar, you say? (You bet!! It sounds just like my story. Except that umm, I haven’t made it big yet, and umm…. there is no girl at present, that I have a crush on. Everything else is picked from my life. Hey, hey, hey!!)

On a serious note, how many movies have we watched with the same plot? I’ve lost count.

So, you know that the scrawny loser, imaginatively named ‘Hiccup’ is born in the mighty Viking clan, destined to battle fearsome dragons who attack the clan and carry away their livestock, and burn down their huts. But, Hiccup manages to mess up every single thing that he meddles in. So much so, that his father ‘Stoick the Vast’ (voiced by Gerard Butler of ‘300’ fame) is ashamed of his son.

Meanwhile, during a dragon raid, Hiccup manages to sneak out and shoot down an unseen dragon of the most fearsome kind – the Nightfury. But, no one believes him, and he almost gets himself killed.

What next for a teen who doesn’t obey his parents? He’s grounded, of course.

It is with great scepticism that Stoick allows him to undergo dragon training. But, the kid is more interested in looking for the dragon he thinks he shot down. He locates the dragon in a forest clearing and is unable to kill it, seeing the same fear in its eyes that he himself feels.

And from then on, it’s a lovely relationship between ‘Toothless’ the dragon, and boy-hero Hiccup, who beats all odds to become the saviour of the Vikings.

I don’t think the film is too different from many of its peers. I don’t think the CGI is exceptional, or brilliant. I don’t think there’s anything pathbreaking about the movie. But somehow, the overall package is endearing and guaranteed to make you smile. I am fairly critical of movies, and I did enjoy the movie, so I guess that’s saying something.

Suggestion: Don’t look for messages or interpretations. (There are lessons that can be learnt from the movie, but in my opinion it is best to steer clear of those for now and just have fun.) Don’t compare the movie with others because it would be unfair. Just lean back, relax and be transported to a land where ‘it snows for 9 months, and hails for the other 3.’

Verdict: 3.5 stars out of 5

All is well…

I’ve always resolutely maintained that Chetan Bhagat’s books are not worth the paper that they are printed on. However, I got the chance to watch ‘3 Idiots’ – a movie allegedly based on his book ‘5-point someone’. I went in with bated breath, with a gaggle of friends, fearing the worst was about to hit me.

Thankfully, I can still maintain that Mr. Bhagat is only marginally better than a monkey let loose with a typewriter. According to the film-maker, the movie has only 5 percent in common with the book. (Perhaps, that’s why I felt that the movie was only about 90-95 percent ‘there’ in terms of quality.)

The tale of a maverick, madcap student who gets admission to one of the most prestigious engineering colleges in India – the Imperial College of Engineering (ICE) and proceeds to question every norm, every tradition and everything else mired in ‘tradition’ is well-told by Rajkumar Hirani. Of course, almost every institute has some stereotypes:

a) A tyrant of a director/principal who is a reincarnation of Hitler

b) The most studious chap in the class who wants to win, win, and WIN all the time

c) Some funny chaps who don’t believe in studying, but are game enough for fun

d) A crazy chap who doesn’t believe in blind authority

At face value, none of these is unique. But, the way Aamir Khan portrays the role of the maverick, Rannchhod Chachar (Rancho), Sharman Joshi and Madhavan – his madcap friends, and Boman Irani the tyrant is fresh. And funny. In parts.

Almost every character – be it the chaiwallah or the principal’s lissome daughter is well-written and contributes something to the story. I did think that this was one of Boman Irani’s less likeable performances, with an affected lisp ostensibly inspired by Shahid Kapoor in Kaminey, and a perpetually grumpy expression that is reminiscent of Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner cartoons.

But Rancho is an endearing character throughout. Right from the moment he electrocutes a senior wanting to rag him, to when he makes a point to the principal in his inimitable style, to when he uses his innovation to help out with a classmate’s project – a toy helicopter, he displays various sides of his personality. He can be cocky, witty, blasphemous, and practical – all at the same time. One gets to learn the phrase ‘Aaal eej wellll’ (All is well) that makes an appearance throughout the movie, from one of Rancho’s anecdotes.

The second half takes us on a journey with his friends and his love-interest, Pia (Kareena) who are trying to trace him down after 10 years of his disappearance, right after college. The movie has its set of highs, lows, emotional moments, laughs, and a few scenes that can be best described as ‘hammy’. Still, without revealing any further, I must say that the movie is a must-watch.

Yes, if you are a prude, you will find some jokes slightly offensive or below-the-belt. If you need to watch ‘realistic’ movies, this movie will give you a few of those rolling-your-eyes-in-exasperation kind of moments. If you are a college student or were a college student ever, you should be able to relate to the happenings.

The movie is shot in a variety of locations, that are all pleasing to the eye. From the college hostels of IIM-Bangalore, to Connaught Place in Delhi, and the scenic locales of Ladakh – everything is awesome. The music is eminently hummable (even in my eminently horrendous voice).

The bottomline is that you are being the 4th idiot, if you don’t go out and watch this movie. I’m not saying that it doesn’t have flaws. All I’m saying is that despite some very obvious flaws, it’s fun! (I say that after pushing my way through a horde of spectators stampeding through the entrance, sitting on seats with lots of leg room only if you had been born a midget, listening to wolf-whistles and catcalls from the elite crowd every few minutes, and watching some people actually dancing when a song appeared.)

Rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Surge ahead, democracy!

Yet again, the writer of this blog has resorted to a misleading title. Yet again, you will probably stop reading soon or curse him or both!

The scene is that slideshare.net has launched a ‘World’s Best Presentation’ contest. And yours truly, being reasonably adept at making presentations has decided to participate. Of course, in the hope that his friends and family will go all out to enlist support for him.

The contest is scheduled to run for another 15 days, and the leading presentation so far has 111 votes. My target is to get at least 200 votes, and lay my filthy paws on a shiny, new Mac.

Hence, I’m counting on you, dear reader to back me up and vote for me. Please visit http://www.slideshare.net/sumitrocks/transactional-analysis-1879796 and do the needful.

I assure you of a grand treat, in the event of my winning any of the listed prizes.

P.S. I don’t know if I should be advertising myself so blatantly, but what the heck! :)

Pay it Forward

My blogger friend Scriber, comes up with some really awesome concepts. She is super talented and has a rocking sense of humour too.

 

One of her ideas I loved is the idea of ’paying it forward’. In her own words, here are the rules:

• I make a handmade gift for the first three interested people who leave a comment on this post.
• I have 365 days in which to do it. What it will be and when it will arrive is a total surprise!
• The catch is that you must participate as well: you must have a blog and continue to pay it forward. Write a post on your blog about paying it forward and invite your readers to participate. Keep the fun going.
• Anyone who is interested in receiving a hand made gift from me must provide a shipping address to me in an email.

 

Now, I’ll not pretend to be extraordinarily creative and say that I’ll make you the moon and the stars. But I shall be diligent and sincere and do the best I can.

 

I had read Scriber’s post about paying it forward earlier too, but was not quite sure of whether I’d be able to do it or not. However, I’ll give it a shot.

 

Are you game? :)

 

Edit: I would recommend that you be circumspect with giving out your address to an absolute stranger. Thanks for the observation, Megha.

The ABC tag…

Dear readers, you can accuse me of narcissism for creating this post. But, how could I deny you the pleasure of reading ‘The ABC of me’? Of course, even if you do believe that I am narcissistic, you should write to Roshmi and accuse her of letting loose that streak in me (again).

 

Anyway, so let’s give my itchy fingers some rest, and without blabbering too much, I shall get going!

 

Here are the rules:

a) Link the person who tagged you. (Check one completed)

b) Post the rules on your blog. (That’s precisely what I’m doing!)

c) Share the ABCs of you. (In due course of time…)

d) Tag 3 people at the end of your post by linking to them. (NOOO! Don’t run away yet! Puh-lease…)

e) Let the 3 people know of the tag by leaving them comments.

f) Do not tag the original ‘tagger’. (After all, you wouldn’t want to read another set of ABCs about the same person, right?)

 

Here’s the ABC of me then…

A – Available/Single? Would it suffice to say that somewhere mid-way is where I am? :D
B – Best friend? Riya
C – Cake or Pie? Now that’s a real dilemma! Can’t I have both? Please…
D – Drink of choice? Thums Up
E – Essential item you use every day? Dell Inspiron 1525
F – Favorite colour? Red
G – Gummy Bears Or Worms? Yikes! What the hell is this? But if I had really wanted worms, I’d have been an early bird, which I’m not. Hence, the answer is Gummy bears.
H – Hometown? The City Beautiful - Chandigarh
I – Indulgence? Sleep (which I’m getting lesser and lesser of…. *yawn*)
J – January or February? Are you selling me calendars? Dumb question! Anyway, February it is.
K – Kids & their names? Not applicable
L – Life is incomplete without? K (Stringent privacy regulations prevent disclosure of name here.)
M – Marriage date? You mean what date I’d like to get married on, right? *sigh* Any day’s a good day!
N – Number of siblings? One
O – Oranges or Apples? Oranges
P – Phobias/Fears? No fear is the name of the game! Ha!
Q – Quote for today? Richard Bach’s “Can miles truly separate you from friends... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?”
R – Reason to smile? Do I need one?
S – Season? Autumn
T – Tag 3 People? Of course! I’ll make sure others also get to answer some dumb questions. :D 
U – Unknown fact about me? I can’t sing to save my life. (Of course, if you ask my neighbour, he’ll vehemently protest and say that the fact is not unknown in the least.)
V – Vegetable you don't like? I am an animal lover… meat is the way to go! 
W – Worst habit? Procastination – I never put off till tomorrow whatever I can put off till next week.
X – X-rays you've had? This question deserves the ‘WTF’ prize – by the author of this post, for being utterly dumb and irrelevant. (Btw, I have had too many X-rays to count.)
Y – Your favorite food? I could write volumes about favourite foods. But let’s say ‘Rajma Chawal’ and leave it at that. 
Z – Zodiac sign? I am an Aquarian – the water bearer.

 

I Tag... in Alphabetical Order: Aparna, Choco and Nikita. Ladies, get going!!

Books and Beyond…

This is not a promotional campaign for the store. It’s a tag on some of my favourite books, passed on to me by Roshmi.

 

The rules are: "Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Tag up to 15 friends, including me because I'm interested in seeing what books my friends choose."

 

1. Macbeth – Shakespeare’s characters are horrifyingly real. The image of Lady Macbeth trying to wash blood off her hands is a powerful metaphor.

 

2. Winning – It’s a joy to read Jack Welch’s insights into business. He avoids too much of jargon, and writes stuff that is awesomely readable. For any aspiring manager, this book ought to be one of the top-reads.

 

3. The Bartimaeus trilogy - (comprising The Amulet of Samarkand, Golem’s Eye, and Ptolemy’s Gate) This chap called Bartimaeus (henceforth called Barty) has an awesome sense of humour. Jonathan Stroud wrote this book for teens, but I think Barty’s wisecracks would have anyone in splits.

 

4. HMS Ulysses – If there’s one author whose war novels are irresistible, it is Alistair Maclean. I love the way he writes about war because you learn to not take sides. You don’t subscribe to the conventional notion of the holier-than-thou Allies and the evil Axis powers. All the killing that happens in incidental, and is almost regretted by the author. I rate this book better than ‘The Guns of Navarone’.

 

5. The Lord of the Rings – If you hadn’t guessed it already, I’m a sucker for the fantasy genre. (I guess the real world is just too brutal and ‘unreal’ sometimes.) Tolkien’s masterpiece is one of my favourites in fantasy. The entire realm of dwarves, elves, hobbits, ents, orcs, men and what not is simply magical!

 

6. Illusions – Richard Bach’s book is like a bible. Whenever in doubt, one could just flip it open, read the few insights on the page, and draw an entirely new meaning out of the words, than one did last time. Simple, flowing and poetic…

 

7. Murder on the Orient Express – The queen of crime, Agatha Christie weaves a plot that leaves one gasping for breath till the tense finale. It has to be one of THE best murder mysteries that I’ve read.

 

8. Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish – A compilation of entrepreneurship stories, by Rashmi Bansal of JamMag fame, this is an inspiration for any budding entrepreneur.

 

9. Gerrard – The autobiography of one of the best footballers of our era, and my favourite player – Steven Gerrard of Liverpool. It is awesome to read about the 2005 Champions League final and see what was going through the minds of the players as they made one of the most historic turnarounds in the history of football to win the club. You’ll never walk alone!!

 

10. Atlas Shrugged – The masterfully crafted characters, the impeccably woven storyline, hold you spellbound as you are taken in by Ayn Rand and her theory of objectivism. Wonderful reading!

 

11. Brave New World – I wrote about this book earlier, and I find the satire created by Aldous Huxley both amusing and horrifying at the same time. It is terrifying to think of the lengths to which our society goes, in order to build conformity.

 

12. To Kill a Mockingbird – This has to be one of the best books ever written. Scout is a wonderful story-teller, and all characters like Atticus, Jem, and even Boo Radley are nicely fleshed out. Fluid and subtle, this is a wonderful book.

 

13. The Tale of Two Cities – The lines ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…’ are immortal. I seriously salute Mr. Dickens for this book. I read David Copperfield, Oliver Twist, Hard Times, Pickwick Papers and Great Expectations, but this book is simply incomparable. Fabulous job, Mr. Dickens! Take a bow. :)

 

14. Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad writes about imperialism, the brutality heaped upon African ‘natives’, and how greed ruled the colonial powers. The horror of what man can do to another man for a few pieces of gold is shocking.

 

15. The Count of Monte Cristo – A tale of love, lust, betrayal and revenge is that this book is to me. Alexandre Dumas brings out the transformation of the innocent and naive Edmond Dante into the cold, calculating, suave Count beautifully. The best part is that he does not kill off the love Dante had for Mercedes. Even after coming back as the Count, Dante still dotes on the lovely Mercedes. In fact, Stephen King’s ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ also draws some loose parallels with this book.

 

Now, I get to decide who should be tagged for this. I choose to tag Carol, Floreta, Neha, Harshad, Himanshu, Ram, and Scriber for now. Of course, I’m supposed to tag Roshmi again. I’ll think of tagging more of you soon.

All about Books

Seeing this tag on Parul’s blog, I decided to do it too since it is about such a fun topic – books!

 

1) What author do you own the most books by?
Alistair Maclean. (I have almost all his books, except for the few that people borrowed and never bothered to return.) Stephen King comes a close second, and the master of humour, PG Wodehouse is a distant third.

2) What book do you own the most copies of?
I have three copies of ‘The Guns of Navarone’ by Alistair Maclean. I thought I had lost the first one, so bought a second, and then I thought the second one has been permanently ‘borrowed’ by a ‘friend’ so bought a third one. (Of course, I was wrong both times, so ended up with three copies.)

3) Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?
No! Sentences/Questions ending in prepositions are to be ruminated upon. (Tee hee!! :D )

 
4) What fictional character are you secretly in love with?
Now that I’m confessing it here, it’s no longer secret love! But, I think Arwen from the Lord of the Rings would be one. (Maybe, it was partly because of her portrayal by Liv Tyler.)

 

5) What book have you read the most times in your life?
’Gerrard’ by Liverpool captain, Steven Gerrard. It is his story, as told by him. And when I read the part about the 2005 Champions League final against AC Milan, I just can’t stop the tears. Truly inspirational!

 

A close second would be HMS Ulysses. (Another Alistair Maclean book) The way he writes about World War II is such that you can’t take sides – the Axis power vs. the Allied powers. You learn to just hate war and the misery it brings.

 

And yet another would be ‘Illusions’ by Richard Bach. I think that book gives me answers to all the questions that keep cropping up in my life. Each time I read it, when I face a tough spot, and each time, it gives me some new meaning to life.

6) What was your favorite book when you were ten years old?
The Nancy Drew series by Carolyn Keene. (I think I had a crush on Nancy.)

 
7) What is the worst book you’ve read in the past year?
’The Three Mistakes of my Life’ by Chetan Bhagat. (On the positive side, it’s a very encouraging book. If Mr. Bhagat can write such tripe and get published, then O discerning readers, here I come with my tales to tell! :) )

 
8) What is the best book you’ve read in the past year?
The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera.

9) If you could force everyone to read one book, what would it be?
’Running from Safety’ by Richard Bach. That book talks about how we kill the kid inside each one of us just because we want to appear ‘grown-up’.

10) Who deserves to win the next Nobel Prize for literature?
Tough call… I haven’t really been following the latest authors.

11) What book would you most like to see made into a movie?
’Not a Penny More, Not a Penny Less’ by Jeffrey Archer. I thought it was fast-paced, devious, and funny!

 
12) What book would you least like to see made into a movie?
Chetan Bhagat books. ‘Hello’ was a disaster, and actually competed strongly with the book -  One Night at a Call Center in terms of ridiculousness quotient. (That’s my ‘metric’ for defining how ridiculous something is.)

13) Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character.
I dreamt of myself as the highwayman from Alfred Noyes’ beautiful poem ‘The Highwayman’ and rescued the innkeeper’s daughter Bess, from the clutches of the Royal Guard. :)

14) What is the most lowbrow book you’ve read as an adult?
The Bourne Legacy by Lustbader. (It is a continuation of Robert Ludlum’s Bourne series, after Ludlum’s death by a useless creature called Lustbader. After reading this, you will understand that Indian movies with those clichéd concepts are unnecessarily reviled.)

15) What is the most difficult book you’ve ever read?
Ahem… a book on Corporate Finance in the last term.

 
16) Shakespeare, Milton, or Chaucer?
Shakespeare, of course.

17) Austen or Eliot?
Tough call… but Austen, probably.

 
18) What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?
Salman Rushdie and Vikram Seth.

 
19) What is your favorite novel?
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. (I think the opening quote, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” is applicable to many situations in life.)

 
20) Play?
Macbeth! (Julius Caesar comes a close second, followed by some of Oscar Wilde’s plays.)

21) Short story?
The face on the wall by E.V. Lucas, almost anything by Saki, O Henry, or Anton Chekhov.

22) Work of non-fiction?
Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish – a compilation of entrepreneurial success stories by Rashmi Bansal.

 

23) Who is your favourite writer?
I can’t name just one. It would depend on the genre. For example:

fantasy – Tolkien

horror – Stephen King

romance – Eric Segal

thriller – Robert Ludlum

Of course, we could go on. :)

Delurking!

Well, this initiative stems from a friend’s blog. The last couple of days have seen a total of 115 people visiting this blog, and spending an average of nearly 4 minutes each.

 

However, in total, they’ve contributed a meagre 9 comments (with 2 of them being replies from yours truly.)

 

So you, you, you and YOUUUUU are doing nothing but lurking! Come on, write a little note. I’d like to know who you are, what you like reading, what brings you back here, or what drives you off.

 

It would be so much nicer, if you’d invite me back to your blog, and I could come and read what you have to share. So, let’s declare this day as ‘Delurk Divus’ and pledge to not lurk anymore. (This is not to say that you shouldn’t visit, but merely to suggest that you be less lazy and comment.)

 

If you hate me, say so! I promise to not let my henchmen come after you, and subject you to the Italian Mafia treatment. :D

 

If you love me, of course you ought to say so, especially if you belong to the feminine gender! (I’m not desperate. We’ll have a proper selection procedure, of course. However, I believe in equal opportunity, so I’d still like to know you *wink wink*)

 

If you couldn’t care less, so what? Still write!

 

Now stop lurking, and help me delurk…. please….

 

P.S. All copyrights for the term ‘delurk’ rest with Ms. Parul Sharma, who resides at Bringing up Adi.

Going Camping... Part II

After having built up the suspense about live frogs and scorpions in Part I the blogger is back with photographic evidence of the adventures. Unfortunately, all those creatures refused to pose, so we didn’t click them, fearing their retribution, if they were to be displeased.

 

However, to compensate for the lack of fauna, we clicked a lot of flora (who had no choice :P ) and some humans (who also didn’t have much of a choice when they were being clicked).

 

 

 

 

 

We’ll start with introducing the humble abodes of the participants - ‘tents’ which were more like cottages, with thatched roofs, metal cots, attached baths, and electric lights.

 

Of course, everything was among sylvan surroundings with no traffic, no pollution, no cellphones/laptops, and perfect tranquillity all around.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was nice to be in such simple surroundings, though I’ve always considered myself a city hick who can’t survive without a phone and an internet connection. Surprisingly, I adjusted pretty well. Though, being akin to a hyperactive kid, I find it tough to sit still for more than 60 seconds. Hence, it is a rare shot of me when not dozing off during the session. (No offence to the facilitators, who were awesome. It’s just me… I am what I am! :D )

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was super-excited to learn that I’d be staying in an ‘Alpine’ tent though I had not the faintest clue about what an Alpine tent is, or does. So, I was almost like a kid who has seen his new toy, when I was shown my tent. Obviously, it rocked more than those other ‘tents’. HMPH! (By the way, I realised that a tent is larger from the inside, than it appears from the outside.)

 

There, in the backdrop is MY tent. A much more peaceful and beautiful location, I assure you except that at night, I just felt glad at not having brought a horror novel along. :P (However, I did consider returning to the location alone, and staying for a week or so, in the hope of writing a horror story. Haha!)

 

 

 

 

At night, we had a little party with a bit of alcohol for those who partake of it, and soft drinks for those who don’t. The funny part is me wearing a ‘Carlsberg’ jersey and posing with a can of Thums Up.

 

(For those who’re wondering, NO that’s not the HR dress code. Maybe, it’s just that people tend to see ‘Red’ when they think of HR. )

 

Now, comes the tricky part. The photo that follows has been given some ‘interesting’ captions by a creative bunch of creeps that I call friends. As long as you don’t laugh or grin, you’re allowed to proceed further. (Smiling is allowed, of course. Who did you think I was? Hitler? Stalin? Castro? Ha!)

 

 

 

 

Some of the captions that have been suggested for this picture (not in any order of preference) are:

a) Stairway to heaven

b) Mujhe pata tha ladka bahut upar tak jaayega! (Loosely translated as, “I always knew that this guy will scale lots of heights in life.”)

c) Moving up the corporate ladder

 

I needn’t say that you are free to unleash your creativity and suggest more such.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, the really uncomplimentary ones were reserved for the next photo. However, I’m still including it, because I’d like you to focus on something. (I’ll let you know what… ;) )

 

Comment: “This is how and why wireless technology was invented. Some idiot sent Sumit up on wires!”

 

Anyway, the reason why I’m asking to you take a look at the pic is… Check out the biceps! :D

 

So, like you saw, the trip was fun! There are lots of pictures, but most of them have not been shared by the lazy ones responsible for sharing them. As and when they arrive, they will be shared. (Of course, you’re expected to keep your wisecracks to yourself.)

Banga-lured!

Pretty adventurous, the last few days have been... (No, this is not a conscious effort to sound like Jedi Master Yoda... it is purely incidental that he copied my style in his speech.)

I've been in Bangalore for a few days now, and I love the city already! It's a pretty different experience from Delhi, Chandigarh, or Jamshedpur. And a few key learning points I've gathered so far are:

a) Learning the local language - Kannada, is pretty easy. All you need to do is suffix every word with 'aa'. So sambhar becomes 'sambhar-aa', MG Road becomes 'MG Road-aa' and so on. No, I'm not saying this is all there is to it! It's just that if you manage this bit well enough, you're half-way there. I'll teach you the next half as soon as I learn it myself. Ok-aa?

b) The South Indian food that we are served up North is not authentic, not withstanding the claims of the restaurants. For me, it's a tough choice. I don't like South Indian food, and it costs nearly half as much as the North Indian fare at most places here. So, it is essentially a toss-up between starving myself on North Indian food, and bleeding my pockets dry, or starving myself on South Indian food. (Suggestions will not be appreciated!)

c) Autorickshaw drivers are as cheeky as anywhere in India. I was impressed by the fact that I just had to jump into an auto, and give the driver instructions. The fare would obviously be metered, unlike places like Delhi where these guys grin at you and tell you that the meter is defunct, so you'd have to bargain with them. Of course, my joy was short-lived, when I found that the chap was trying to round off a Rs. 33/- fare to Rs. 40/- just because he'd have to travel some distance before finding himself another passenger. (I resisted a strong urge to 'flip him the bird' and walked on, but not before he had charged me Rs. 35/-.)

Still, there are lots of things that I like. For instance, the weather, the nice and musical lilt of the local accent, and the city overall - to name a few. However, strangely enough, there is lots of piracy here. Every nook and corner seems to have a few hawkers selling pirated movies or books. I wonder what the 'enforcers' charge, to look the other way, and to allow this trade to flourish.

(I'll be writing about my Microsoft experiences later, because I expect them to be thrilling enough to write a few hundred pages.)

P.S. This blog is now 50 posts old. Hurray!

Fool!

Aww come on! Don’t tell me that the joke’s on me… not one person fell for that lame joke of discontinuing blogging.

 

I don’t intend to leave Insanity Avenue in Bloggerville anytime in the near future. I had intended to play a prank by claiming to retire. But apparently, I’m the only one who has the IQ of a drunken monkey. :|

 

I still can’t believe that no one believed that stuff about me discontinuing the blog.

 

Well, on the positive side, it means I have some really smart friends.

 

But, umm… if ‘opposites’ attract, then I guess that puts me in the ‘not quite the brightest star in the galaxy’ category. :(

 

Comments? Thoughts? Anyone? (Pleeeeez tell me what I want to hear :D )

 

P.S. Kaddu and Corinne, thanks for rubbing it in! HMPH!!

“UNHOLI” Thoughts

It’s a mad, mad world. There’s obviously no denying that. But, the other 364/365 days pale into insignificance when compared to Holi, the Hindu festival of colours.

 

The festival has its origins in Hindu mythology. Lord Krishna, a Hindu god, was rather dark, whereas his consort, Radha was very fair. Hence, the god suffered from an inferiority complex, and complained to his mother. The doting mother promptly applied some colour to Radha’s face, to mask her fairness.

 

(Incidentally, that seems to be the first recorded case of racial discrimination ever. And you thought it was a recent phenomenon, huh?)

 

Well, there is a whole plethora of other reasons, behind the celebration of Holi. If your’re really keen, you can read more by clicking here. (Although, if you ask me, one shouldn’t really need so many reasons for celebrating a festival. Just celebrate, duh!!)

 

In earlier times, it used to be a festival that involved the use of colours made from crushed flowers, tree barks, and other such stuff. However, it is a festival that has kept up with modern times. Human ingenuity has lent it an all-new flavour. Now, eggs, coal tar, mud, chemical colours, beer, soft drinks, ink, and what not is applied to others, in the name of ‘celebration.’

 

In fact, in parts of India, the celebrations are even more unique. The menfolk sing lewd songs, and the women drive them away by beating them up with sticks. The men attempt to shield themselves, and continue singing. (Wow, are the moral police who protest against Valentine’s Day aware of this?)

 

Plus, people partake of a drink called ‘bhaang’ made from the leaves of the cannabis plant.

 

The part of India that I’m in – XLRI, Jamshedpur, has an even more unique concept here. Apart from the usual rigmarole of mud baths, dunking people in colour, smearing them with whatever comes handy, getting drunk on ‘bhaang’, and dancing away, there was ahem… an added ‘feature’. Somehow, the ‘culture’ is to rip off the t-shirts of all the guys, and then colour us poor folks. Quite insane, if you ask me! (Actually, I think it’s quite insane, even if you don’t ask me.)

 

One of the most decent pics of the lot is posted here. Due to ahem… various considerations that one has to consider, the rest have been kept away from your eyes. However, imaginations often run wild, and you’re free to let yours loose as well.

 

I rather think that we look like a bunch of folks from the movie 300, minus the six-pack abs, or rather, plus some six-pack ‘flabs’.

 

What say?

 

Edit: On demand from Scriber, here’s a pic of the girls…

 

Football!

This time it’s a serious post about football. No jokes, huh? So, if you’re looking for humour in this post, QUIT right now! No point reading further, because I’m a strong believer in the philosophy of one of Liverpool’s legendary managers:

 

Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it’s much more serious than that.

 

 

I think that statement echoes my feelings perfectly. Of course, most of my friends will vouch for my die-hard following of the game, and fanaticism for one of the greatest clubs ever, football. Another quote of Shankly’s tells of my devotion to winning.

 

 

If you are first, you are first. If you are second, you are nothing!!

 

 

That’s precisely why I was up at 3 am to watch my team thrash Real Madrid 4 goals to zilch! Awesome!

 

And then, I decided to write about some awesome quotes from the world of football. Sample these:

 

Football is a simple game based on the giving and taking of passes, of controlling the ball and of making yourself available to receive a pass. It is terribly simple.

(Another example of Shankly’s sharp wit)

If you’re not sure of what to do with the ball, just pop it in the net, and we’ll discuss your options afterwards.

(Simple really! No wonder, Shankly was such an awesome manager.)

I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest, I just squandered.

(George Best has a nice perspective. I wish my dad agreed with this too.)

 

We lost because we didn’t win.

(Thanks for explaining that, Ronaldo. Duh! We’d never have figured it out.)

 

If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing.

(Wow, really?)

 

After reading these, you might be misled into thinking that I don’t have anything else to write. I’m not saying that you are wrong, all I’m saying is that you’re not right.

B’day Bumps

Since this is my first hostel stint, for the majority of my 28 (sigh) years, I’ve been relatively ‘sheltered’ from birthday celebrations. Yes, there have been incidents when pepsi, watermelon juice, chocolate cake, pizza, and god knows what all substances have been rubbed into or poured over my hair and face. Ugh!

 

However, all that was pretty innocuous, when compared to my 28th b’day, which was about a month ago.

 

I was (peacefully) sitting in my room, and playing a (violent) computer game, when I heard what sounded almost like a recording of me singing. Because it was a rather terrifying sound, I didn’t bother to investigate. However, the source of the sound came closer and closer, and ultimately, I discovered that the sounds were being made by a mob of people who wanted to ‘wish’ me.

 

So, after hastily said goodbyes to all those midnight callers, calling to wish me, I prepared myself for the worst. (As it turned out later, I was hopefully underprepared.) I was almost dragged to the common room. (At times like this, one thanks one’s lucky stars for the extra tyre that one carries around one’s middle. If not for that, numerous human rights violations would’ve been committed that day.)

 

To my surprise (and fear), there was quite a crowd gathered there. Another classmate, Reju, also had his b’day on the same date, so there were two cakes, one for each of us.

 

But before that, an ancient tribal ritual was to take place. Reju was picked up by a sea of people, who then proceeded to kick his posterior. A tradition that we have at XLRI is to kick the roomie as well. So, Ram, who happened to be that unfortunate creature, in this case, was also promptly thrown up and made to meet the might of other people’s feet.

 

Then came the moment that I’d been dreading. My turn! After I put the knife to the cake, suddenly, the world went mad. Someone took away my specs, someone else smeared  a huge chunk of cake on me. Then, of course, there were people who wanted to practise their kicking skills.

 

So, I was promptly hauled over to a corner of the room, and tossed up by a few heaving, puffing souls, while the others took turns imparting some nicely-aimed kicks at me. In fact, one of these vile creatures had a broken ankle, and couldn’t kick. So what? He just picked up his crutches and used them.

 

 

After that, there was a ‘bathing’ ritual too. Both of us – the b’day boys, and our roomies were dunked in water that contained a wee bit of detergent – presumably to cleanse us. Then of course, the back-slapping, laughing crowd dispersed, and we were left to wash up and shake our heads in disbelief.

 

Of course, it was fun! Though, because of the sore posterior that I suffered from, I was unable to type out the experience, and forgot about it till much later. Today, I’m rescuing it from the depths of my drafts probably because I don’t seem to have much else to write about.

 

*Some of the pictures and videos are too gory to display. Hence, in public interest, they’ve not been displayed.

Football – The Beautiful Game

This post is dedicated to my football-illiterate friends, who keep cribbing that they don’t ‘understand’ the game. It’s a simple game, really. There are no complicated techniques one needs to learn, like cricket or tennis, or any other sport. (The only sport I think is simpler than football is boxing. All you need to do is punch, right?)

 

The basic idea in the game of football is to score a ‘goal’. Of course, there are teams that forget this basic idea, and do anything and everything except scoring goals. But, we shall completely disregard them for now, and focus on the steps to be taken, to score a goal. So, here goes:

 

1) Reach the field, usually covered with grass.

2) Place foot on ball, with force. (This technique is called ‘kicking’.)

3) The resultant force will change the direction of the ball’s movement i.e. the ball will fly.

4) Place one foot before the other, in rapid, consecutive movements. (This technique is called ‘running’ by advanced football players.)

5) Move towards the ball’s new location.

6) Try and kick the ball away from your opponent. (Normally, there’s a man with a whistle, running around you. If you can give him the slip, kick your opponent instead of the ball. Much more effective, I assure you.)

7) Repeat step 4.

8) Find the goal. It is usually made of white metal frames and net.

9) Aim for the goal.

10) Kick the ball towards the goal.

11) If the ball flies into the goal, celebrate by performing some hideous actions. (If it doesn’t, grimace, shake your head, and perform some more hideous actions.)

12) Repeat from step 2.

 

There you go! That knowledge should suffice to help you understand the basics of the game. Of course, the game is not quite so simple. There are advanced techniques one has to learn, to truly master the game.

 

a) Diving – Deep-sea divers would probably do a good job at this game. Diving is a very useful skill, and can help your team a lot, in times of need. The best exponent of this art is a certain Mr. Cristiano Ronaldo.

b) Theatrics – Playacting and drama are essential skills. Once again, Mr. Ronaldo displays them in ample quantity. He is closely matched by Mr. Didier Drogba.

 

Once you’re familiar with the content mentioned here, we shall progress on our journey. Football is a beautiful game. If you don’t realise it even now, you will, pretty soon. Hopefully…

Narcissism Personified!

Apart from being a devoted Liverpool fan(atic), I think I’m becoming a narcissist too. Yesterday, we folks had gone out for the Founder’s day celebration, and I had worn my match-day jersey, because there was Liverpool vs. Sunderland to be watched later in the night.

 

So today, since I had nothing better to do, I was playing around with Photoshop, and messing around with some pics, when this came up:

 

Awesome fun! :D Even though this is pretty amateurish stuff, I now have demands from Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal, and Man Utd. fans here, who’d like to get similar profile pictures. I think it could be a cool business idea. Any takers? ;)

 

P.S. What makes the day even better, is that our team won yesterday, defeating Sunderland 2-0. Come on, Liverpool!!

Happy founder’s Day

I think I’ve been writing too prolifically today, but then I can’t help it. I just have to write this!

 

March 3, is celebrated as Founder’s day, in the city of Jamshedpur. Jamshedji Nausherwanji Tata, scouting for a suitable place to set up a steel plant, chanced upon this quaint location, early in the last century. The vision Mr. Tata had, has now translated into a modern, well-maintained city, with one of the highest per capita incomes in the country!

 

While building the city, Jamshedji Tata had said, “Be sure to lay wide streets planted with shady trees, every other of a quick growing variety. Be sure that there is plenty of space for lawns and gardens; reserve large areas for football, hockey and parks; earmark areas for Hindu temples, Mohammedan mosques and Christian churches."

 

And true to his vision, the city has turned out be one of the two most well-planned cities in India. (The other one being my hometown – the ‘City Beautiful’ – Chandigarh, designed by French architect Le Corbusier.) Some facts about Jamshedpur, which I found through Google:

 

a) The Tata Steel plant covers nearly one-fourth the land area of Jamshedpur.

b) It is probably the only city in India that does not have a municipal corporation. In fact, residents protested when the government tried to take over the Tata-run utility services company, and replace it with a municipality.

c) It is the only ISO 9005 certified city of India.

d) It ranked ahead of cities like Bangalore, Pune, and Chandigarh when it won the 2004 Global Compact City Award from the UN. (There are only 10 cities in the world with this privilege.)

 

 

So, we, a group of students from XLRI, decided to go and visit the nearby areas, to take a look at the decorations. Here are some pictorial snippets of the visit.

 

                           

Love in December

What I’m writing about might seem almost blasphemous. Today, when the world is celebrating the Oscars, and we Indians in particular, are celebrating the victory of ‘our’ film, here I am, extolling the virtues of a completely different piece of art.

 

On a friend’s recommendation, I downloaded a copy of a play staged at IIT* Mumbai - ‘Love in December’. To begin with, I was rather skeptical of it. In fact, I distinctly remember waving a hand, with a dismissive expression, and saying, “What nonsense! IITians staging a humorous play? Ha!”

 

In fact, like those crusty, old British curmudgeons, I probably would’ve offered to eat my hat, if proven wrong, but thankfully, I don’t wear a hat. Moreover, I guess I’m too prudent to offer to eat any other item of clothing.

 

Anyway, let’s cut right to the chase. At first glance, it sounds like a typical, run-of-the-mill story – boy meets girl at railway station, the train is delayed by 4 hours, they start talking, and towards the end, they realise that they used to know each other in school, and had major-time crushes on each other.

 

However, the acting, the direction, the sound editing, and the dialogues are simply fabulous. Even if you are a die-hard cynic (I’m not!!!) or an Indian-movie hater (Ahem…. sometimes I am one), you probably will grow to like this one.

 

Sugat (my roommate) and I had organised a special screening of the play in our room for ourselves and a few friends. And it would’ve been a perfect experience, if only we’d had popcorn and cola.

 

We loved it so much, that we’re planning a repeat broadcast.

 

Of course, academic constraints are acting as a major deterrent. The worst part is that you can’t even crib about the rigors of academic life. The moment you say that, people shut you up, saying, “Who asked you to ditch your job, and go study for an MBA? Now that you are at XLRI, obviously, you will have to study.”

 

Thank you for those wise words, all ye folks! But for now, stop reading this, and go check out that play if you can.

 

*IIT stands for Indian Institute of Technology. The IITs are the most prestigious engineering institutes in India.