Football – The Beautiful Game

This post is dedicated to my football-illiterate friends, who keep cribbing that they don’t ‘understand’ the game. It’s a simple game, really. There are no complicated techniques one needs to learn, like cricket or tennis, or any other sport. (The only sport I think is simpler than football is boxing. All you need to do is punch, right?)

 

The basic idea in the game of football is to score a ‘goal’. Of course, there are teams that forget this basic idea, and do anything and everything except scoring goals. But, we shall completely disregard them for now, and focus on the steps to be taken, to score a goal. So, here goes:

 

1) Reach the field, usually covered with grass.

2) Place foot on ball, with force. (This technique is called ‘kicking’.)

3) The resultant force will change the direction of the ball’s movement i.e. the ball will fly.

4) Place one foot before the other, in rapid, consecutive movements. (This technique is called ‘running’ by advanced football players.)

5) Move towards the ball’s new location.

6) Try and kick the ball away from your opponent. (Normally, there’s a man with a whistle, running around you. If you can give him the slip, kick your opponent instead of the ball. Much more effective, I assure you.)

7) Repeat step 4.

8) Find the goal. It is usually made of white metal frames and net.

9) Aim for the goal.

10) Kick the ball towards the goal.

11) If the ball flies into the goal, celebrate by performing some hideous actions. (If it doesn’t, grimace, shake your head, and perform some more hideous actions.)

12) Repeat from step 2.

 

There you go! That knowledge should suffice to help you understand the basics of the game. Of course, the game is not quite so simple. There are advanced techniques one has to learn, to truly master the game.

 

a) Diving – Deep-sea divers would probably do a good job at this game. Diving is a very useful skill, and can help your team a lot, in times of need. The best exponent of this art is a certain Mr. Cristiano Ronaldo.

b) Theatrics – Playacting and drama are essential skills. Once again, Mr. Ronaldo displays them in ample quantity. He is closely matched by Mr. Didier Drogba.

 

Once you’re familiar with the content mentioned here, we shall progress on our journey. Football is a beautiful game. If you don’t realise it even now, you will, pretty soon. Hopefully…